I have so much going on all at once that its just so hard. Im to the point that im just depress about everything. Im always going and going that it feels like it never stops. I ran out of birth control and we are still waiting on our insurance to kick in. I was only on my period for a day this month it hasnt been the same still giving birth and i hurt so bad down there. Now i dont have any birth control and all i do is bleed and hurt. SO i called a health clinic just to get in and get some more BC but the next date that they have open is oct 1 i cant wait that long.My body is so tried that i dont even want to clean my own house. so far next month i have 7 dr appt and those are all for the kids it seems like every week im at a dr office. Gavin is about to have his last injection and then surgery i tried to be so brave and not let anyone see that im so scared for this next surgery i have cried so much just thinking about it. i know that i didnt give birth to him but in my heart he is mine and to know that he has to go through so much at such a young age just breaks my heart. i know i shouldnt think this way but its only human i keep thinking what if something goes wrong what if he doesnt make it. its just such a big surgery and a even bigger surgery for him.
We get wic which pays for some of skylar milk since we are a large family on one income they help well i missed the appt because i got my dates all confused and sch. gavin an injection that day. so we cant get another appt until the end of september. we already spend alot of money on her milk without their help because they only pay for 9 cans now we have to pay for the 9 cans and the 4 extra cans that we buy a month. and i know that this may not sound like a big deal since familys do it all the time, but when you have to buy and extra 130.00 worth of formula it makes it a little harder.
The girls have been giving me such a hard time this week. Trinity has got in trouble so far twice this week failed 2 test and then lied to me about it. Told me her teacher helped other students in the class and refused to help her but really she wanted to go get on the computer so she rused the test and failed her fault not the teachers.So tony punished her until Monday when she takes her next test. Shelby decided that she didnt want to get ready for school every morning she has been running out the house about to miss the bus. She keeps calling trinity by a different name over and over again i have asked her to stop no she will not listen. So i punished her from the tv,well i guess she thought that if she trashed the room she would get unpunished, asked her to clean up the room and wouldnt. I know that its kid stuff nothing much but everything at once it making me go crazy.
My mom is acting so different. She is hanging out with an old friend that she used to work with. And thats ok she needs to get out more. but her whole attuide is changing like she is trying to be just like her friend who isnt the best person. I dont know i can just tell that my mom is acting different .My paw paw had a heart attach monday she called me crying i got her to clam down i told her that if she wanted to go to texas that me and the babies would go and i would get my mother in law to get the girls on the bus and watch them until tony got home from work. She said ok we might do that so i tell tony who isnt crazy over the whole idea but said ok since it was something important. well last night my mom called me and told me that she just made it to texas. I said with ms barabra she said yes and i told her i didnt like the person she was becoming which might not have been the right words are at the right time but i was hurt that my own mom didnt even tell me that she was even leaving. I mean who's mom leaves to go out of state and doesnt tell their daughter who she talks to everyday. well not here recent she has been to busy with ms barabra to call or stop by and then she wants to know why skylar doesnt want her well hello she doesnt know you anymore. She said no thats not it you just spoil her and hold her all day. Do you know how bad that hurt coming from my own mom.
I have been treating tony so bad because i have been having such a bad week and taking the blame out on him for everything. I didnt want to talk to him, watch a movie with him, or let him hold me in bed. I have just been wanting to keep to myself. I went to lauryns house tuesday and cooked dinner when he got home all he had to do was take it out the oven when the timer went off ,feed the kids ,give them a bath and put them to bed. No big deal to me i do it everyday. well i call him on the way home and he hadnt done anything i asked if he cleaned the kitchen because i cant stand to have extra food sit out the smells makes me sick. but i was so rude to him over nothing and i feel so bad for treating him so bad.
Also this week we find out that erin the kids real mom called our lawyer saying that she has done everything she can to see the kids what does she need to do now. First of all she has never showed up to pick up the kids doesnt even know when the dates are. Has not called the children since may 25,2008 hasnt taking any drug test and owns almost 3000 dollars in child support. for her to have the nerve to call our lawyer and lie to them saying that she has tried everything makes me want to beat the poo out of her. She hasnt seen the kids since last christmas and she only stayed an hour. She doesnt even know what gavin goes through with his head the pain that he has to take. so why lie and say that you tried everything and try to make us look bad when we are the ones taking care of all the kids with no help from her.
o and i stopped smoking this week so that puts the cherry on top of my stress
i think that i cried more writing this then i have all week just letting it all out.
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